-End of the living world-
The world as a whole has prepared mentally and physically for many disasters, but few truly are prepared for when their dead aunt Beth comes knocking on the door. Here are some helpful tips and tricks to prevent you from being ripped apart like a young child's present on Christmas and have your brain eaten.
~Clothing~
You don’t walk out in the morning in boxers to run to the store. You prepare by grabbing a pair of pants, a shirt, socks, maybe a jacket, and an uzi sub-machine gun wouldn’t hurt. Why would you do anything different when the undead are prowling the streets? Truthfully you don't. You can go out however you like! It’s not like a zombie would care. Of course, the last thing you probably would want to do is step outside in bare feet on a beautiful sunny day and step on a dismembered arm or some raw flesh of a decomposing animal. You have to prepare! Get some boots and head out! At first you might feel slightly heavier pulling around two legs with boots heavy as led, stumbling about like a drunken fool, but it may be a good idea. If you have a jacket, you will want it light weight just case you have to make a break for it. In other words, trench coats are out of the question. Just leave that bad boy at home for another day. Besides, when the zombie apocalypse happens, you won’t need to hide the guns under one. Remember to keep your hair very short. Consider shaving it off. Remember that it is easier to grab you by the hair than by a bald scalp if you are running. Long beards are out of the question too.
~Food~
Food is necessary for any living human. We need to eat to survive. Without the correct vitamins and minerals, you are going to wither up like a dried reed. Even if that is happening, it probably isn’t as unpleasant as being invited over to a starving neighbor’s house for dinner to find out you are on the menu.
Consider if you could see yourself through a zombie’s clammy-glazed over eyes, you would just look like a nice steaming steak, or a pile of delicious bacon with two legs walking around, screaming EAT ME! It hasn’t been proven that that is what a zombie sees, on the other hand if you were starving and saw a pile of walking bacon on the street, you would probably chase after it to get a bite of that mouthwatering food. Sadly when searching for food, it isn’t likely you will see a pile of walking bacon. Instead you may locate a lump of scum covered steak or maggot covered bacon on the shelves of the general goods store. Instead of leaving the store with a big grin on your face at that wonderful prize, you will get stuck with the can of spam, and stale bread. Don't fret! Just imagine that delicious Red Robin burger you’ve been craving for months when you bite into the Spam sandwich and everything will be all right.
~Starter off Kit~
To get started after you have obtained some proper clothing and food, you will need to get the essentials such as: Medicine (anything from Advil to Morphine qualifies as essential). Consider chewing gum to help you concentrate in the many stressful situations which are sure to follow. This assumes you find being chased by a horde of hungry zombies as stressful. Make sure to grab a couple months worth of bottled water because any other water supply will be contaminated with all the disease which the undead are festering with. Ear plugs will help assist your sleep, blocking out all the moaning. A tooth brush is important. Yes, I know you have more important things to think about then dental hygiene, but if you don’t brush you will inviting all that bacteria in the air to party in your mouth and eventually all over you. You will want to gather any other supplies that will help you survive the apocalypse, use your imagination.
~People~
It is important that you understand one thing about other people: every person wants one thing, and not THAT one thing. They want your supplies. Especially food. The only thing more dangerous than the undead knocking on your door, is your average psychotic Joe packing an Uzi and a shotgun. He can: jump, run, swim, eat, use tools, open doors, steal, shoot at you, hit you, smack you, take a brick and break your windows, eat your food, tie you up and leave you for the zombies. People can do much more than that, so you will have to be prepared for everything. The best way to deal with the living human problem is to get your own average Joe’s! Bring your friends, give them guns. You can then go out and enjoy to the full extent of the action! Explosions, fire, drinks, you name it! If you can’t find it, you can steal it from the average Joe’s who aren’t prepared! When choosing a group of your buddies, there are a few steps you should go through. You want them to be in good physical condition (the last thing you want is to be motivating a giant pile of jello to keep moving with a Twinkie). You want someone who knows how to use random junk and make something into a weapon. You don’t want someone who will slow you down, unless they will be used as bait.
~Traveling~
Once you have gathered the things you need, consider travelling to a permanent place to stay. Some house off the highway won’t cut it. You will need to find a long term residence to invest in. This is more important than some nice sports car! You want a secure place to live with an abundant food source, and preferably no zombies. Consider the following when making your choice:
1. Distance you will have to travel to get there. The longer you travel, the more likely you will be relieved of parts of anatomy along the way.
2. How you will be getting there. Walking is a bit more dangerous than by tank. Zombies don’t do well eating through metal.
3. Does the area you are traveling to have a climate good for humans? Hot deserts or frozen wastelands aren’t a good idea.
4. If traveling to a town, or Holiday Inn, consider the population. The last thing you want to worry about is the number of Joe’s and/or zombies trying to get into the same place. You may not like that company.
5. If you choose to live up in the north (i.e., Alaska/Canada) you will have advantage during winter time. The undead don’t produce body heat. They will either freeze like a popsicle or slow down enough so you have nothing to worry about!
In the end, the choices you make about how and where you will live during a zombie apocalypse won’t only determine your fate, but maybe the fate of the entire human race. No pressure. Just remember that even if you are about to get eaten at least you had a good time, with many fond memories of better days in the past, so enjoy life now and prepare.
Choose carefully! Each choice could be your last.
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